Fashion has always been a mystery to me. As a teen I either was in school uniform or jodhpurs. The whole thing where you learn about make-up and what goes with what simply passed me by. I never learnt how to find what suits me. Clothes hang of me and nothing seems to fit. Somehow nothing I wear quite looks right. I tried to fit in, yet it always looked like I had missed the fashion mark.
As I grew up I read the self-help and read that appearance was so important to help my confidence grow. So I went out and try to fit my clothes to the image I wanted to show. Only I was never sure who I wanted to be. I had no colour sense and often I looked like I had been caught in an explosion at the paint factory. I couldn’t stand the pretty shoes that restricted how far I could walk. I wanted to be comfy and I wanted to be warm, but I did not care that much if things went together well
I found that I didn’t feel more confident. I felt self-conscious and restricted. I felt as though I was being someone else, and not being me. I felt as though I had to look at every reflective surface to check I was OK. Fashion made me feel trapped. I hated it.
I am the woman who gets dressed without looking in the mirror. Yes, I love colour and often things do not go together. I may go out in a pretty dress and trainers and end up splashing in muddy puddles. Yes when it comes to fashion awards I win the worst dressed hands down, and I just don’t care.
I am blessed to have clothes. Having to worry about what to wear is a stress I don’t need. I like what I like and that is that. I realise that my confidence does not increase with my fashion sense. My confidence increases when I give up worrying what people say. I know there are people who will laugh, but these are also the people who will find something else to laugh at me about.
The simple fact is I have no clue what clothes suit me. I just know what I like and I know what is practical. I am happy when I am just being me and that is exactly who I plan to be.
So sometimes I will look at though I am wrapped up warm, or heading out into the wilderness. Yet, other times I will look as though I have been dressed by the fairies.
Yes, people may stop and stare, and that is fine. For I am finally happy just being me.